yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
