i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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