Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
