I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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