Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Randomize
