We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I need to stop coming to work sober
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
