If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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