don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
