Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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