I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
