I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
