I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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