Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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