I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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