we have officially lost it.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
