p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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