I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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