check it out our google latitudes are spooning
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
