hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
