i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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