why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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