Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
