I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
