i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
