Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
