I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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