So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize