you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
