you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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