This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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