i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
