can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
