Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize