There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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