You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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