THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Can I color on your dick again?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
