in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
