I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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