fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
