I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
