May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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