You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
