What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Are we still banned from the library?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
