i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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