Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
