i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
