Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
