So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
