Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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