Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
