so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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