how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
