you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
