i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
