Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
