i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
