they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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