I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
