May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
