Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
