Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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