FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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