is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
