You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
