Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
