y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
