I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Your penis caused this!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
