my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
