I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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