Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
